Horsing Around With Usain Bolt

A spoof, by Linda Chamberlain

World-class sprinter Usain Bolt is to learn the secrets of the horse world in a bid to stay at the top of his game.

 

Usain's new shoes

Usain’s new shoes

 

The fastest man in the world was so impressed by the speed and performance of equine Olympians that he has decided to follow in their hoof steps. On the advice of medical experts, he is having a specially-made, metal attachment, much like a horse shoe, fixed to his trainers. The design of the attachment is a closely guarded secret but I can reveal that Bolt plans to wear them 24/7.

His trainers argue that the Jamaican athlete will get used to the metal shoes more quickly if he wears them all the time. They hope they will guard against slipping during competitions and minimise the risk of exasperating a troublesome tendon injury that has setback his training in the past. They also hope he will be able to sprint faster than a horse.

In an exclusive interview, Bolt said: ‘The shoes felt heavy at first and it took a while to get used to them. They’re coming off next week, so that will be a bit of a break.’

‘Oh, for good?’ I asked the 6 foot 5 inch star of the track.

‘No, only while I have my toe nails trimmed.’

Doubters have speculated that running on metal might be harmful for the athlete but Bolt is confident that medical advice is correct. He’s been told that running without them might have a detrimental effect on the physiology of his foot.

‘The doctors know what they’re doing,’ he said. ‘They must be right and those running tracks can be hard, you know.’

Supporters of the shoe say it can relieve many problems of the foot, including arthritic pain – as well as give support to painful heels and protect weak toe nails.

‘It’s true,’ Bolt said. ‘I don’t break my toe nails half as much as I used to.’

The Olympic authorities have given approval and other athletes are expected to copy the innovation. Bolt predicts that very soon there won’t be an athlete in the world without metal shoes.

In another daring move inspired by the horse world, Bolt is dramatically changing his lifestyle. Apart from the many hours spent in training and competition, he is to be confined to what his trainers describe as a focus room. There will be no TV, no space for friends and therefore no distractions. There’s enough room for his bed and he’ll be given an innovative ball to play with which lets out small amounts of food if he rolls it around the floor.

confiend horse

‘We never stop learning,’ said the runner who has been nicknamed Lightning Bolt. ‘You should have seen those horses at the Olympics. They were awesome and they were focused. If it works for them; it should work for me.’

He’s been confined to his focus room for two weeks and his trainers are pleased it is having the desired effect.

‘He can’t wait to get out on the track in the morning,’ said one of his training team. ‘Before the focus room he was much more laid back. Now he just wants to run; he doesn’t want to stop. It’s brilliant. He loves that room. At the end of the training session we put some of his favourite food in there and you should see him rush back in there.’

* * * * *

Apply the ideology to a human and suddenly it makes you question the treatment of horses, doesn’t it?

Apologies to Usain Bolt for the above article. He seemed such a nice guy that I thought he wouldn’t mind his name being used to support a campaign to free equine athletes.

UPDATE

ABOUT ME – THE BOOKS

Cover_Barefoot_3 (1)I’m a writer and journalist who loves horses. My own horses’ shoes were removed about 17 years ago as soon as I realised the harm they were causing. My non-fiction book – A Barefoot Journey – tells the story of riding without shoes in a hostile equine world. Mistakes, falls and triumphs are recorded against the background of a divided equine world which was defending the tradition of shoeing…with prosecutions. Available on Amazon UK and Amazon US – paperback for £2.84 and Kindle for 99p.

‘The author wrote from the heart and with great conviction. It read as a fiction type book, but was also being informative without you realizing it! It gives me hope with my own ‘Carrie’. I totally recommend this book to anyone….my only complaint is that it wasn’t long enough!! – Amazon reader.

‘ Required reading for anyone thinking of taking their horse’s shoes off’ – Horsemanship Magazine.

‘I loved reading this intelligently written book. It’s so good I think every hoof trimmer should hand this book out to clients who are going barefoot for the first time’ – Natural Horse Management magazine.

My historical novel, The First Vet, is inspired by the life and work of the amazing early vet, Bracy Clark – the man who exposed the harm of shoeing 200 years ago but was mocked by the veterinary establishment. His battle motivated me to stretch my writing skills from journalism to novel writing and took me to the British Library and the Royal Veterinary College for years of research. Paperback price £6.99, Kindle £2.24 –Amazon UKAmazon US. This book has more than 50 excellent reviews on Amazon and a recommend from the Historical NovelCover Society. 

‘Fantastic read, well researched, authentic voice, and a recognition of the correlation of our best slaves- horses- with the role of women throughout history. If you are into history, barefoot horses, and the feminine coming of age story, then this book is a must read’ – Amazon US reader.

If you want to keep in touch, click the follow button on this campaigning blog or find me on Facebook…Another historical, horsey novel has been completed, ready for editing. I am being inspired by a famous equestrian campaigner from the past who quietly made such a difference to horses. So many people have asked me to write a sequel to The First Vet but I think I should feature one of Bracy Clark’s colleagues. And have I told you about the Very Bad Princess? The one who rode horses, swore a lot and tried to keep a London park all to herself…not a current-day princess…more soon…I’m enjoying the research on this lady! She used to take snuff…xxx

 

 

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They’re athletes…not dinner

by Linda Chamberlain

If this horse was to be your dinner you might be worried about the way it was kept. You see, this horse lives in a stable that is only a little bigger than he is himself. He has room to lie down. He has room to turn around but he can’t run and he can’t touch any of his friends. His keeper is, no doubt, generous with his food – he might get two buckets of feed a day and a couple of hay nets. If those run out in the night he can always eat his bed…until it gets too mucky for his taste.

 

library picture

library picture

 

If this horse was to be your dinner you might see a television documentary by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall that would distress you. You wouldn’t be able to smell that stable but Hugh’s nose might crinkle and you’d know what it was like in there by the morning. He might show you the bars on the stable door with a hushed and upset tone. ‘They’re anti weaving bars,’ he’d explain. ‘To stop the horse rocking from side to side – a harmful habit but it relieves the terrible boredom.’

If this horse was to be your dinner Hugh might manage to get a camera in the stable at night. He’d show you that the horse, who sleeps only for a few minutes at a time, is still awake. He’s been chewing the wooden walls because the door has been covered with metal to stop it being eaten.

This horse stays in the stable all day and all night in a very expensive livery yard that is equipped with all the latest in horsey facilities. There’s an indoor sand school, a heated tack room and even a horse walker so he can get a little exercise on the days his owner is unable to take him out. He’s an animal whose ancestors lived in fear of predators. They lived in a herd and if any caught the scent of a lone wolf, they ran. That’s how they survived for millions of years and the instinct is still strong in today’s domesticated horse.

So, when this horse’s owner takes him for a ride he can sometimes be a tricky beast – full of fear and flight. He might want to run simply because there’s a plastic bag in the hedge. He’s spent the last 24 hours in solitary confinement without the comfort of a herd – surely, he can be forgiven a fanciful imagination.

But he’s not going to be your dinner.

He’s an athlete. A valuable sports horse. His breeding is impeccable and his performance is remarkable. He’s extremely fast and you should see him stretch over fences because he’s awesome.

It’s a strange way to keep an athlete, isn’t it? Unmoving. Alone.

Can you imagine David Beckham or Wayne Rooney bedded down in the smallest room in the house but brought out to chase a ball for 90 minutes every Saturday? They suffer enough injuries as it is and it doesn’t take a science degree to work out that their fitness levels might be compromised by the lifestyle of a couch potato. Horses must have been the only Olympians that performed in the world’s most notable sporting event from the confines of what is, by the morning, a toilet.

This horse’s owner is very careful, though. The horse is warmed up diligently before every competition to minimise the risk of injury. A torn tendon could finish this animal’s career and every athlete knows the importance of correct preparation before an event. Although this horse doesn’t get as much space as your average lamb chop, he does get more than most pieces of chicken breast you can buy in the supermarket.

Something no one wants to see before dinner...

Something no one wants to see before dinner…

But there are no campaigns, no cries from animal welfare activists about the way this horse is confined. It’s perfectly normal. In fact, the more expensive and talented the horse, the more likely it is that he is kept in this way. I know many livery yards where the animals are rarely, and sometimes never, turned out in a field. Race horses spend most of their day at rest in a stable.

It is perfectly legal and it isn’t even frowned upon. Why? you might ask.

I suppose the practice has its roots in the past. In the 1800s London housed about a million and a half horses and none of them had access to a field. Horses were like the car in a garage today – brought out when needed. Most of those horses were working animals, vital to the economy. So, if they were awake, they were probably working.

There are few working horses left in Britain and we keep them for our pleasure, or our sport. We no longer have to keep them confined. There’s no longer any excuse.

They are athletes – let them move.

(I’m a former journalist and for my next blog I’m going ‘under cover’ to investigate how our top equines are kept – press the follow button on the black band at the top of the page if you want notification of future blogs and news of my debut novel – The First Vet – being published later this year. Leave me a comment, too. I’d love to hear from you.)